Cup of Tea with Bradley Lee

Bradley Cooper, what is really going on with you? Like I didn't notice your new Movie and song with Gaga.... I was in some surprise to hear you sing Bradley. The thought of hearing you sing in prior times had not ever crossed my mind and you are very talented. The first time I heard your song, I thought it was Hosier singing with Gaga. The "take me to church" singer. That is who your voice reminds me of. It is a brief conversation and compliment after my angry explosion a couple of weeks ago. You're at a distance and could want to be agreeing with me that nobody should be stuck with a permanent reputation or always in the same box. Bradley in chains: you're the man in the box..... While I hate to use the term "peer," it is as if you are a long term peer and almost even a friend. But seriously Bradley, I have to be brutally honest that I saw most of your reputation as some of a horror scene. Jon has been the most brutally betraying man of anyone but I did notice some of the shares you had with him. A lot like "Coco before Channel," but that story still isn't an accurate story with you and I or even Jon and I. With the way you sing with Gaga there is a part of the song that has this god awful bellow "in the shal al al al low in the shallow now," and it is almost like you roll your eyes: "shame on you were you shallow. what is not to be with being shallow?" lol. Honestly Bradley, I still find it very questionable that you would despise being too shallow of a man. It differs with some people when caring about being called shallow. I think I've just lived through too much with a lot of your negative arbitrage in the foreground and background. I really did feel like one of the last women you would find attractive. It wasn't that we were ever seriously considering each other. There were also other men who looked tied to you in the arbitrage and I would assume Mike Jones and Chance Chapman having the most shares with you other than Jon. The group of men who have cheated on me in some way or another the most. It's like you could be part of Jim and Justin's gay man hate club, but you seem to want to care to fight for your respect a little more than the others Bradley. While you fight against being shallow, you still have a cheating or unacceptable open relationship reputation that isn't going to help you with me either. I'm hard on you but you sure gave me a hard time too Bradley. It was more than terrifying enough being left for dead in Cumberland and with one of the biggest invalid labels. Some people were wanting to put other labels on me too that were just beyond invalid which was already the most extreme. When I was left with no options and chose to fight for my survival as a stripper; you didn't lessen your personal threats on my life either. I remember some of your terrorisms Bradley. Whether it was your personal issue with your fascism for drugs or your brutal chauvinism in wanting to terrorize my sexual respect you sure had a serious problem with me. It was 2 weeks ago that you threatened me like all chauvinists and rapists problem was my problem and I have to feel responsible over the wrong others do against me. Like it's my fault. Do you just not realize how mean, terrible, and terrifying of a thought that is Bradley? I wish you would recognize more what that means to me and what other men's most life threatening piggish behavior and poor judgment has always meant to me. Double take on chauvinism rape and judgment and bigotry. With some people it has been such a chronic assault for what their actions mean and the way they just won't recognize what anything is to me. Like with a large number of people who have made me a victim of their Stockholm; they have their own way of wanting to "buy" me with me knowing I'm not any real paid prostitute. After they have their way with the Stockholm; they have their way with wanting to "buy" me. Everything is still all about their way. This is still about your way Bradley. I'm sure "A Star is Born," was an expensive movie to make. You could still say you are just being an actor (and I have yet to see the movie). You still put yourself before me; you still do things your way. While it has always been harder and harder to care about anything, I don't mean to pull my prostitution on myself. I can't avoid saying: This is about other people having their way with me whether their superiority complex is severe and/or a dead giveaway or not. This is about me knowing the ways I get taken advantage of in past and present. It is impossible for me to avoid saying it like that. While some people could want to say: don't you see that in yourself? I'm more about acknowledgement and people choosing to agree or disagree. People are entitled to their own perspective, but when a person is putting their self on you and getting subjective or stockholming or bondaging with their judgement everything is much different. Some chauvenists get in my face often with the way they have to call the shots and be the superior one to decide anything. THE THREATS, STALKINGS, AND STOCKHOLMS HAPPEN OFTEN LIKE IT IS NO CRIME TO FUCKING BE LIKE THAT. I lived through a lot of hell Bradley and I know you want to buy me... So you pay attention to some random other things. You make fun of me some that I argue that sex is nothing to be ashamed of and I shouldn't feel humiliated with anything. I'll let you call the shot with that one Bradley. I know I can and want to feel good with my lack of humiliation and despite whether or not you want me to care, I care some. You humiliate me. The hell and other humiliations I went through really was something and I'm not going to write off the things I've lived through like it was nothing.

Come get it Jon

Jon, whatever number of people your gadaffi has already killed, there is still a kill in you for the way you feel to kill me. It isn't that you deny it as much as other murderers do.... It was nice of Ben Stiller to call your occupation "the negative asset dept" in the name of a movie I can't remember. Why aren't you barking back up Sean Penn's tree? I must have kept you the same pissed off man as you've always kept me the same pissed off woman. It would be nice if there was a next Austin powers movie that was made where they made Fat Bastard's features look like yours. I won't look at the star wars movies either but Jabba the Hut is another character whose features should look like yours. ... Jon I'll always hate you and think the worst of you for life. I should not have underestimated the murderous things you are capable of doing and I should have made more of a firm choice against you in much earlier days that was never going to lead you or myself on. I should have never underestimated your capabilities. I will never hear the end of enemies, strangers, and random people who murderously provoke me with either their worst sense of credibility or judgement. They think my life will always be theirs to own and it will always be me who is to blame for their worst grave mistakes. I was supposed to be subjected or put my life on the line that much more when being provoked to fight. There are so many things that are wrong with you Jon and I will never stop vomiting over the things you think are right. Whatever your will to punish me. Whatever your will to force me to lose or be under someone. I believe your anger is mostly against my will to want to get Stacy and Justin's neck snapped and decapitated with their cut throat vanity and will to think they are right to treat me as an equal after they are clearly the intruder or most dominate judge with anything. After putting up with their ignorance and savagery there is no such thing as ever having any chance with me. I want Erin battered for whatever dominate judge she wants to be too. I know Justin and Stacy want to put the most rejected Tran on me. I know I was never going to be in fear over their rejection and I most certainly know there were no emotional feelings I ever and will never have for her worst disgusting egocentric trash. Anyway, because I'm the one who will always be the most raped and robbed with my choice to reject; it's impossible to defend what I should have. It really is too late to take back their corruption and rape. Anyone's lies and "I beg to differs" will always be the worst threat with the defeat and enslavement they want me in for their sake or respect. I hate the way people just don't get the rapist expression of phrase that it is with what they are really insinuating and getting at with what they want. If there were ever an original day where they were being my rightfully rejected it should have never been such a war of escalation. People have their differences and go their separate ways and agree to disagree. It is a common and normal thing that they don't have. They have the worst jealous codependency where they make their life depend on my rejection and they are the real Gadaffi of a team who feel my life should be dependent on their rejection and what they think. If I'm always raped to be the Tran they could have been a little more honest with Big Shawn's "I don't fuck with you" song. Instead they intentionally rape me with their further stab to death "I beg to differ" vain lies. Their vanity is fucked with for life now, and they are still far from being any worthy opponent. Jon you are so sick to try to force me to be challenged or just lose to the number of cut throat rapists I've had. I can tell your rape you've made already will never be enough or else you wouldn't further your death threat. I don't want to die but I would rather be dead than lose to the number of your sick injustices and rape.

The Delivery Girl

While I honestly feel like a little bit of a loser when I think of the thought of telling people I deliver food for a living; I'm just not loser enough. Things can always change at any moment, and even though food delivery seriously isn't the most thrilling job, it is a mostly light load of a job that I enjoy doing the most. I really would rather be doing this than doing some of the other past jobs that I've done. If Uber and all the modern apps were somehow to go out of business, taxis have been in the business for a long time regardless......I was going to wait a whole week with my business consulting job before making up my mind, but on day 3; I decided that it was something that I just didn't want to do. I really would love to have some kind of title, but when I tried door to door for the first time, I knew it was something that I just wasn't going to be strong enough for. Had I not had a partner in training, I might not have made it through have of the day and gone mad and insane that I just want to go home. On my second and final day in training of going door to door; it was snowing. I didn't think too much of the weather at first and thought I could handle it. But besides of the snow and other cold days, I thought about how hot and sweaty it was going to be during the summer too. The job had real potential of making money and gaining a good title, but the weather and the hours just were not going to suit me. I had the other extremely unnecessary crackheaded arbitraged structurally socialed set back too. It wasn't that it was anything new; it was disappointing and will always be disappointing that people talk and act in their worst savage ways. The final finger point looked like it was at Bradly Cooper being to blame, and he is someone I couldn't be too surprised over of wanting to "murder," me. I must have done something that set him off. Either way, it wasn't cool at all, and of course it didn't literally kill me or me take an accepting mark off of someone's sick savagery. It upsets me that people think it is ok to be like that, but I'm an untouchable.....So, while a job wasn't what what I thought it would be, I'm back to square one with the delivery girl back up. I really make decent money off of it. I know there could be a list of other jobs that are a little more professional than delivery, but I'd still make more money doing the deliveries. It all depends on how busy the day is and how much time I put into it. I'm already envisioning the happy thoughts with just how much flexibility uber has to offer. I'm really excited about it. I can mostly control my own time and mostly have a guarantee able income. I've thought about getting into my crafting again too. I don't know how soon I'd be able to get into it. Some things have tripped me up some. April is always the next expensive month after December's Christmas with both Easter and Mitzi's birthday. I had a couple of other ridiculous expenses too. Her party was pricey but worth it. She's been upset and a little lonely over the move and I felt bad for her. Anyway, with crafting and ubering, I'm almost having my cake and eating it too. Unless I get out and make enough money as a crafter, I'm always going to feel threatened with the title issue in one way or another. It matters to make money and enjoy life; but having a better title and an even higher earning opportunity matters too. I'm not sure if I will have enough time for the summer crafts, but I should for the fall and winter. I've been envisioning the wine festivals and festivals that I've yet to explore. I love it. I love to plan; I love the days my crafting brings home some bacon. Mitzi and I just may have some vacation this year too. I'll have to budget and save well for it to happen. I really feel good about just sticking with uber for awhile until I have something else that is enough to spark my interest. Until then, I am the delivery girl. ...........and Mitzi is officially 6 years old today. 6 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! :( ....... I wish she would have had another sibling closer to her age by now. She is growing up too fast. I wish I would have had a father for her too. Some serious pity for myself but I walk the same everyday life as I usually do. We still have things to look forward to regardless of the things we do or don't and will or won't ever have.

Random Thoughts

Today's somewhat dreary day has turned out to be somewhat better: I'm off with a snow day. I am hoping it rains later like it is supposed to, so I really won't have to worry about the roads too much as most snow and ice should be washed away. All I have to do with the rest of the day is just stay productive and I know I will feel better. I'm not looking forward to the chores, but know I will feel much better afterwards and the place will feel more clean and homey. I hardly have the time to keep the place clean and this is the best time to do it..... Some new things always go on in some ways but nothing seriously new. I'm not happy with the work all of the time status quo I am in right now, but there is no other way around it. I've got to get my bills caught up and in better financial standing before I can let myself cut back on the hours I spend working. I am sure I will be getting over some of my financial humps soon. Until then, I can only continue to bear the status quo I am in right now.... While I'm not entirely anxious to find myself a man, I still have some anxiety and a hard ticking clock. I am definitely looking for a serious relationship type of man, but for now, I'm my own stall in being able to be more active in finding one. One thing I did feel bad for when I was with Larry was that I wasn't always available and didn't have the time enough to be with him more. It just matters to me to have time to give a man and the man to have time for me when I'm with him. So, my status quo keeps me held back, and I also want my place to be put together more before I run into the next one. I've never been a strong stickler with rules and have an open mind to possibilities that I could meet a man at anytime and anyplace and have it work despite some inconveniences. I just don't like that I have so many inconveniences right now. .... While there are so many ways I can still be a Dora and Explore; I'm glad to have discovered some local bars recently. It has been a long time since I've seen some people doing karaoke (I was in a downtown dueling piano bar a couple of months ago but those people were hired musicians. It seemed more like a band playing than a dueling piano show but it was still fun.) anyway I was glad to see that there were some places that still do karaoke. Its fun and entertaining despite most people are still strangers. I've noticed some bars have bingo nights here in some of my ubering, but there is still some trivia too. So many places, so little time. I love the city and just how much more there is to do and how many more options there are. good things bad things going on, but gotta keep working and hauling